I'm gonna have a badass scar
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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