so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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