It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
