I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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