I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
