in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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