I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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