I faked an abortion last night.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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