Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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