I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
