what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
