kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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