Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
