There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
