Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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