Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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