i need an iv and a liver transplant
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
