if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My cat gives me a boner
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
