Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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