all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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