So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
