Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
