Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
