About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My day in three words: secret purse cake
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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