Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
