Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
