Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
