You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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