1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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