I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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