what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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