dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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