It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
