Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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