She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
