How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
