how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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