That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
