too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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