We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
