Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
