I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
