Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
