and you said cock pushups were impossible
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
