I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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