I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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