do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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