my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
