I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
