he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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