i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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